I'm back, AND I'M PISSED!!!

Howdy, Gang-
I've taken about a month off to recharge and research a thing or two, and there are a couple things that are glaringly obvious to me:

In my reading of left - wing, right - wing and chicken - wing blogs and comment sections across the vast, intellectual wasteland that is the internet, I have noticed that BASIC readin' and ritin' is a scarce commodity. There are many people, however, that can make good, solid points but struggle with what I consider to be "WRITING - 4th GRADE".

I swear sometimes, many brains are like tumbleweeds that drift about some ghost town, flitting here and there, without ever staying long enough to put down roots and gather some intellectual nourishment. 'Course, that is the intrinsic nature of tumbleweeds. Silly me.

OK. HERE WE GO!

"There", "their" and "they're" all have different meanings and usage!!!!!!!!
Sorry. I'm truly here to help, and I'm going to make this as simple as possible, to try to compensate for the "Department of Education's" complete and utter failure.
30+ years. Nice plan, President Carter.
Brilliant execution by the NEA. (Not necessarily teachers, however…)

1.) If it is followed by "is", "are", "was", "were" or a contraction thereof, (we'll get to contractions later) … ALWAYS use "there".
To be clear, "their" and "they're" are NEVER followed by "is, are, was, or were".
*Believe it or not, I'm trying to keep this really simple.*

2.) "Their" and "They're" are always used when referring directly to living organisms. People, dogs, worms, whatever. NEVER use "there" in place of "their".

2.a) "Their" is possessive. (That means "ownership".)
For example:
"Their shoes." "Their homes." "Their bullets." In a sentence:
"Everybody left their homes with their shoes and their bullets."
You see, "they" own, or possess, homes, shoes and bullets.
Simple, right?

Now' I'm sure I'm gonna have some smartass say "where are "their" guns?" Well, you see, I can shoot bullets with my shoes. Maybe you can't.

Now, on to the MOST difficult of all of them - oooooh….
"THEY"RE"
(Frightening, I know. Please take a deep breath.)

It's really not complicated:

"They're" = "They are".
THAT'S ALL THERE IS TO IT!!! (Or, "that is all there is to it"!)
Oops - slipped into the wonderful land of contractions and apostrophes… That will be another lesson.

"They're" is a CONTRACTION of "they are". If you would use "they are" you can shorten it to "they're". PLEASE, make sure you put the apostrophe in the proper place. Otherwise, I'll get hives.

A CONTRACTION, simply put, is mashing two words together, and putting an apostrophe where the missing letter, or letters are.

A TEASER FOR THE NEXT LESSON:
"I'll = "I will"
"it's" = "it is"
"she's" = "she is"

ADVANCED:
"tons o' fun" = "tons of fun"
"top o' the mornin' " = "top of the morning"

Well, I'm sure y'all had tons o' fun walkin' down the ol' dusty trail w/ me! And top o' the mornin' to y'all!!!

Please don't be bashful if you think I've been less than clear.

You're comment's are alway's welcomed with open arm's! I wrote this so dam fast, some of the speeling may be off.




TEASER 2: APOSTROPHES AREN'T BRAIN SURGERY!!!
(No, "put them before every 's' " is not a sound strategy. Neither is "the more the merrier".)

Hugs n' kisses,

Stephen Charles