FOR "DOG PEOPLE" ONLY... (Installment 1)

IF you have ever had a dog you will know exactly what I'm talkin' about here.
Dogs are extremely complex little (or big) animals. At the same time, they're very simple. I tend to look at them as 2 year old humans.
But they don't much progress beyond that.
Think of a 2 year old - generally not so good at listening, or communicating. Potty training, well, a work in progress. Dogs usually do, however, figure the potty training thing out a bit faster than humans. Fearing for their life may be a contributing factor.

Today I spent a couple of hours up on the roof cleaning gutters - one of my favorite things to do here in balmy Michigan in late November. It's right up there with setting my pubic hair on fire.

I came back inside to warm up in the bedroom. Popped on the TV, chillin' for a moment or two, before I went back out to begin work on my snowman catapult for the season.
You see, I live near a major road, and I get jollies out of launching snowmen over the treeline into the road.
You have not lived until you've seen a 6 foot snowman, with a handsome scarf, carrot nose and coal eyes come flying out of nowhere to land in front of your car!!! Don't worry - my wife spots for me, to make sure there are no major accidents on the road. 10 years, no fatalities - a record I'm damn proud of.
Very few snowman catapulters can claim that safety record... (please forgive my pride.)

Okay. The Schnauzer brings his ball in, and promptly lodges it under a cabinet where he cannot retrieve it. Being a stubborn Kraut (like me) he proceeds to moan and groan about it for at least 5 minutes. He's relentless. (Maybe he's "German American", or a "Stubborn Dog of Germanic Descent", or some PC term other than "Kraut", but i don't personally give a shit what or what isn't PC)

NON - DOG PERSON ALERT: I don't care if you have 15,297 other balls in your home - NO OTHER BALL WILL DO. When a dog has it in it's head, it MUST be the ball that is going to be a pain in the ass to retrieve. Just try it - toss another ball - the dog will look at you like you are an idiot.

I say: "You put it in there, ya dumbass, get it out yourself."
A couple more minutes go by, the moaning doesn't stop. So I get up to retrieve the "special and irreplaceable ball."
I say: "Alright ya dumbass, I'll get it for ya."
I get down on my hands and knees to pull it out, and he's not right there as usual! He's just around the corner, peering at me - looking chagrined.
I toss it, and off he goes. All is well.

So, 2 lessons:
1: There is only "the one true ball."
2: My dog now knows what "dumbass"means. I'll have to stop using that derogatory term now.
3: Catapulting snowmen is a lot of fun.

Have a wonderful day -
Steve